Tragedy strikes once again in Guasti
By Jobu Danish

......Several injured in bizarre accident at the Secundo Guasti Cemetery relocation site. “It was horrible, the ground seemed to just open up and swallow them,” said one witness known to co-workers as Felipe. “We had no idea that such a massive grave existed!”

......The bodies were located at a secret Crypt that was discovered beneath one of Guasti’s historic buildings earlier this year. The building was removed as a result of damage that occurred during winter storms producing 80 mph winds, which also damaged other structures and uprooted several trees at the Guasti Plaza.

......Felipe and several other workers were in the process of moving corpses from their resting spots adjacent to the world famous Haunted Vineyard, to a new and undisclosed location, when an enormous sinkhole opened beneath them.

......This tragedy marks the latest in a string of mysterious mishaps to befall the crew of the Haunted Vineyard. The cemetery relocation will open space for construction at this year’s premier horror experience, the Haunted Vineyard.

Guasti Corn Mystery Baffles Scientists
By Jobu Danish

......Specialists from all over the world have been called in to study the sudden appearance of corn stalks and other vegetation, which appear to be growing out of control near a forgotten cemetery in Guasti, California.

......The strange phenomenon was first reported by Moe Mofynch who discovered the growth while looking for his missing dog near the historic buildings at Guasti Plaza. “The place was overrun with all these grape vines”, he said in an earlier interview, “and the corn was growing like weeds.” “I never did find that dog neither.”

......The strange growth has scientists baffled and neighbors concerned. Over the past three weeks reports of missing pets in the area have tripled and many locals are concerned about an increasing number of crows that have been spotted in and around the grounds of this year’s premier horror experience, the Haunted Vineyard.